Codependency Is Sneaky and Powerful

Focusing thinking and behavior around someone else is a sign of codependency. We react to something external, rather than our own internal cues. Addicts are codependent, too. Their lives revolve around their addiction – be it food, work, drugs, or sex.

Codependency derived from the term “co-alcoholic,” originating in studies of family members of substance abusers who interfered with recovery by enabling.

Family therapists found that their codependent behavior developed in their childhood growing up in a dysfunctional family. In the 40s, German psychoanalyst and humanist Karen Horney wrote about neurotic behavior caused by self-alienation. She described personality types that fit codependency and believed that they resulted from faulty parenting and the “tyranny of the shoulds.”

The 12-step program Codependents Anonymous (CoDA) was founded in 1986 by Ken and Mary, two therapists who had grown up in abusive families.

Definitions

Codependency is considered a disorder in the American Psychiatric Association, due to lack of consensus on a definition and empirical research. However, the Diagnostic Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders does list a dependent personality disorder, described as someone more passive, submissive, and dependent than most codependents. In 1989, experts at a National Conference arrived at a suggested definition: “A pattern of painful dependency on compulsive behaviors and on approval from others in an attempt to find safety, self-worth and identity.” Other definitions by experts in the field include:

* Melody Beattie: Allowing another person’s behavior to affect him or her and obsessing

about controlling that person’s behavior.

* Earnie Larsen: A diminished capacity to initiate, or participate in, loving relationships.

* Robert Subby: Resulting from prolonged exposure to oppressive rules.

* John Bradshaw & Pia Melody: A symptom of abandonment – a loss of ones inner reality and an addiction to outer reality.

* Sharon Wegscheider-Cruse: A brain disorder that leads codependents to seek the relief of soothing brain chemicals, which are released through compulsive behaviors, including addiction to work, substances, gambling, food, sex, and/or relationships.

* Charles Whitfield: A disease of a lost selfhood.

Beattie’s and Larsen’s definition centers on relationship behavior. I agree with Bradshaw, Melody, and Whitfield that codependency resides in us whether or not we’re in a relationship. I also agree with Wegscheider-Cruse that addicts are codependent and that relief is sought through substances, processes, and people. However, unlike Cruse, I believe codependency is learned behavior that’s trans-generational. Other influences are cultural and religious biases. Although research shows that some teens had brain abnormalities even before they became drug addicts, their twins did not become addicted, so the full impact of genetic and organic causes is still unclear, particularly in view of the brain’s plasticity in adolescence.

Core Feelings and Behavior

Codependent feelings and behavior vary in degree on a continuum. Like a disease and addiction, if untreated symptoms become compulsive and worsen in stages over time.

Core feelings include:

  • Denial
  • Low Self-esteem
  • Painful emotions: Shame, Guilt, Anger and Resentment, Anxiety, Depression
  • Core Behaviors include:

  • Dependency
  • Intimacy problems
  • Dysfunctional communication
  • Dysfunctional boundaries
  • Control of oneself and/or others (includes Caretaking)
  • Core feelings and behaviors create other problems, such as, people-pleasing, self-doubt, mistrust, perfectionism, high-reactivity, enabling, and obsessions. Codependents are usually more attuned to other people’s needs and feelings than their own. To quell anxiety about rejection, they try to accommodate others, while ignoring their own needs, wants, and feelings. As a result, they tend to lose their autonomy, particularly in intimate relationships. Over time, their self-worth declines due to self-alienation and/or allowing others to devalue them.

    Codependents have varied personalities, and symptoms differ in type and severity among them. They also have diverse attachment styles. Not all are caretakers or are even in a relationship. Some seek closeness, while others avoid it. Some are addicts, bullies, selfish, and needy, or may appear independent and confident, but they attempt to control, or are controlled by, a personal relationship or their addiction. Sometimes that relationship is with an addict or narcissist. A relationship that is one-sided or marked by addiction or abuse is a sign of codependency. But not all codependent relationships are one-sided or abusive.

    Recovery

    Untreated codependency can lead to severe anxiety, depression, and health problems. There is help for recovery and change. Recovery goes through stages that normalize codependent symptoms. The goal of recovery is to be a fully functioning adult who is:

  • Authentic
  • Autonomous
  • Capable of intimacy
  • Assertive and congruent in expression of values, feelings, and needs
  • Flexible without rigid thinking or behavior
  • Become informed. Get guidance and support. Codependent patterns are deeply ingrained habits and difficult to identify and change on your own. It often takes an experienced third party to identify them and to suggest alternative beliefs and responses. Therapy and 12-Step meetings provide this. In recovery, you will:

  • Come out of denial
  • Let go of others
  • Build an autonomous Self
  • Raise your self-esteem
  • Find pleasure – develop friends, hobbies
  • Heal past wounds
  • Learn to be assertive and set boundaries
  • Pursue larger goals and passions
  • Self-Help and Therapy

    Codependency is highly recoverable, but requires effort, courage, and the right treatment. A therapist should be knowledgeable in treating codependency, shame, and self-esteem, as well as be able to teach healthier behavioral and communication skills. Cognitive-behavior therapy is effective in raising self-esteem and changing codependent thinking, feelings, and behavior. In some cases, trauma therapy is also indicated.

    Recovery can generate more anxiety, so it’s important to maintain a self-help support system such as, Al-Anon or CoDA 12-Step programs to build self-esteem and become more assertive.

    ┬ęDarleneLancer 2019

    What Is A WoW Simulation?

    Many people do not know what a WoW Simulation is. Thankfully it is one of the easiest aspects of the game to understand. A WoW simulation is something that runs while you perform spells. It helps you determine which is the most effective method to win in any situation when you are trying to use your spells.

    There are many programs out there that might help you with choosing the most effective method of picking your spells, giving you the easiest way to own some noobs in the battlegrounds.

    However, when you think about it, there are lots of ways to get the best WoW simulation method, and you might not have to use a program. There are many sites that always strive to get the best results for the amount of work that each class has to put in, and the spells that each class can use in World of Warcraft.

    Some of these websites put in all of the work so you don’t have to worry about it. Of course they might also want you to buy some program, which can save time. You should really learn about simulation through practice. One of the greatest methods for coming up with the best WoW simulation in any sequence, is to just write down every single thing that you can come across.

    In every WoW city, there are some training dummies. With these dummies, you can easily go and cast each spell, which help you figure out whether or not you wish to use that spell. Before you begin, get a pencil and some paper. Be ready to take some time and make sure that you have enough patience to write down some of the most tedious things. But rest assured, it is all worth it in the long run when you begin to own some noobs.

    The first thing that you need to do, is write down the spell that you are going to be casting for your wow simulation. Next, cast one to ten spells, and each time you do, write the spell numbers down.

    After you have done all of that, create a range of numbers that entails the lowest spell hit you did, and the highest, so that you can know how much damage that spell can do. For instance, 6,000 to 11,000 is what we are talking about. So on paper, you would write the spell, and then the cast time that it would take to use the spell, and then the range of damage that it could possibly do.

    Do this for each spell, as this will help with your WoW simulation, and help you pick out the best dps that you can choose. When you are playing World of Warcraft this will also be helpful in determining which spells you are going to use for PvE and PvP.

    By making sure that you only use the best spells for each situation, you you’ll be using the WoW simulation to the best of your ability. Without it, you will never truly know how well you can perform with the right amount of terrific spells.

    How to Play Craps with the Power Pressing System

    Craps is the casino game that everybody is curious about. It’s big and looks complicated, and when people are winning, it’s the loudest place in the casino. Like any casino game some luck is involved in winning, but the flexibility and choices that craps players have allows them to position themselves to play aggressively when the dice get hot.

    One of the things that makes craps so interesting is that you can interact with the game according to your own strategy. You can set goals that might be completely different from the player next to you but you both can be winning. Once you understand the basics of play, you can become like a gymnast, who can move backward and forward on the balance beam. If you choose, you can put all your moves together and devise a routine.

    An avid sect of players employs the power pressing craps system. Power pressing is the general term to describe playing craps in an aggressive manner that steadily increases the size of bets. House money (money generated by winning bets at the casino) is the preferred source of money for fattening the bets. It is classic reinvestment of profits.

    The “power” in the term power pressing refers to the determination with which bets are increased. The player will rarely receive any change after a number has won because all the winnings are reinvested in the bet. Some power presses even require that the player chip in a few more bucks in order to achieve the next desired betting level. Power presses can be done to one number or multiple numbers at the same time.

    To distinguish between regular old pressing and power pressing, think of pressing as speeding a bit on the highway when you are late for work. Power pressing is more like automobile racing. You want to draft behind the car in front of you and build as much momentum into your system as possible before swinging out ahead and making the big win.

    In order to begin power pressing, you need to have one or more place bets. Place bets are the most suited to power pressing because they win the first time the number rolls, unlike come bets, and the player has the option to reclaim the entire bet.

    Now that you have some place bets in action, you can begin power pressing. The following scenario will serve as an example of the power pressing technique.

    Basic Six and Eight Power Press

    The six and the eight are the most common numbers to attempt to power press. This is because, after the omnipresent seven, the six and eight are the most common rolls and therefore the numbers amenable to rolling repeatedly. Having your place bets win two or more times is key to successful power pressing and winning.

    1. You start with $6 bets on the six and eight. Your initial goal is to achieve $12 bets on the six and eight after only one win on either the six or eight.
    2. The six rolls while the bet is in action, and the $6 place bet wins $7.
    3. You say “press the six and eight” and GIVE THE DEALER $5.
    4. The dealer will take the new $5 injected into the system and put it with the $7 payoff, which equals $12. This will become the new $12 bet on the six. The original $6 on the six will be added to the $6 on the eight and thereby create a second $12 bet on the eight. If the eight rolled instead of the six in this scenario, the same things occur.
    5. So far, you have invested $17 (original $12 bets plus the $5 for the power press) and have $24 in action. The next time the six or eight rolls, you will be paid $14. Now your investment has been recouped except for $3, and the next win will be pure profit of $11. Winning the $11 relies upon sixes or eights rolling three times without the seven rolling when the bets are active.

    Remember, the key to maximizing winnings is making bets bigger while you’re winning.

    Euchre Variations – It’s Not Cheating If It’s Part of the Rules

    All is fair in love and Euchre.

    Euchre is a trump based card game thought to be a derivation of the French card game Ecarte, popularized by the early settlers of Pennsylvania. Since then it has spread to country and worldwide popularity, although it is played most frequently in the Midwestern United States. Euchre is played only with cards nine (9) and higher, resulting in a twenty-four (24) card deck. Euchre places two (2) teams of two (2) persons each against each other, each trying to be the first team to ten (10) points. Trump rotates each hand, along with the deal. It is a fast paced, ever changing game that has so many variations that you would be hard pressed to find two Euchre games that play by the same rules.

    Some such variations incorporate rules that otherwise might be perceived from an outsider’s perspective as outright cheating. This article will discuss a few of these variations to show just how fun a game can be with some creativity and open-mindedness.

    Stacking the Deck

    In Euchre each hand of five (5) cards is dealt in only two (2) rounds, typically dealing clockwise starting with the player to the left of the dealer and dealing two (2) or three (3) cards to each player in the first round and the remaining three (3) or two (2) cards in the second round. This is different than many games where only one (1) card is dealt at a time. This presents a unique opportunity to “stack the deck” and give you or your partner the best cards in the deck (being Jacks and Aces in Euchre).

    Although typically frowned upon, some circles consider it perfectly acceptable to stack the deck as long as certain guidelines are met. One typical example is that as long as you offer a player on the other team the right to cut the deck then stacking is tolerated. This means that after shuffling the cards the dealer must present the shuffled cards to a player on the opposing team, who may then split (or “cut”) the deck in two. This is done to prevent stacking the deck.

    However, some savvy deck-stackers will anticipate a cut and incorporate that into their shuffling or stacking. Onestrategy to counter this is to cut the deck unusually thick or thin or to simply defer your right to cut the deck (done by simply knocking your hand on top of the shuffled deck).

    Stealing the Deal

    As with many games, there is a distinct advantage to dealing in Euchre. This is because after the cards are dealt out the dealer will flip over the top card of the remaining undealt cards (there are 24 cards in a euchre deck but only 20 will be dealt to the four players). This card (the “Up Card”) is flipped over for determining Trump. If any player wants the suit of the Up Card to be trump, they must tell the dealer to pick the card up. The dealer then will pick up the card and discard the least desirable card in their hand, thus vastly improving their hand for that particular round.

    The strong benefit to dealing has led some circles to incorporate “stealing the deal.” Stealing the deal can be accomplished in many ways, depending on which rules each circle plays under. Some circles again require you to offer a cut to the other team and then either begin dealing the cards out or deal both rounds and flip up the Up Card. Other variations typically incorporate some of the above factors. This move will benefit the team stealing the deal and punish the other team for not paying adequate attention. Either way it is a fun way to mix things up and reward the sneaky and savvy Euchre players.

    Renege

    Euchre, like many card games, requires each player to follow suit. This means that after the first player to act plays a particular card, each subsequent player must play a card of the same suit as the suit of the card that was led if they hold a card of that suit in their hand. However, there is a strong incentive to not follow that rule if your team stands to lose the round if you follow suit, so many players will instead represent that they do not have a card in that suit and instead use a trump card to win the hand. Whether done intentionally or unintentionally, this is referred to as “reneging” or a “renege.”

    Generally speaking this is against the rules in Euchre, but as with many situations in life it isn’t cheating unless you get caught. Depending on the penalties for reneging, it is worth the risk in many players’ eyes. For example, consider the situation where your team stands to lose two (2) points to the other team because you called trump and will not take the necessary three (3) out of five (5) tricks if you follow suit and lose the hand. If the penalty for reneging is only forfeiting the two (2) points for that particular round, it might be good strategy to take the risk and renege (where you will be able to gain the necessary tricks to gain one (1) point).

    That covers just a few of the many variations of the card game of Euchre. The countless variations are what make Euchre such an enjoyable game as the rules are constantly changing. Some variations are more wholesome but rules that reward the cunning can be even more fun.

    Visit our site to learn more about the exciting, fast paced, ever evolving game of Euchre.